New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
