I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
