Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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