Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
