her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
