tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
