There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
