it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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