The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Blood and glitter go together right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
