i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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