no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
