there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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