Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
