How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
