Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
