You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
