thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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