i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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