I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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