God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
