Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
