Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
