Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
