Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
