quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want a musical about memes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
