i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
