Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
