i would punch a child for taco bell
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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