You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
