He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
