I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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