Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
