I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
