the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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