does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
