I want to walk on stilts...naked
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
