Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
