forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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