I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
