I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
