ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
