This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
