Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
