I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
