no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
