i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
