I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
