So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
