The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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