Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
