she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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