the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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