you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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