Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize