woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
