I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize