the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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