the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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