We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize