Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
